| it's been a while-
i've been busy, and lacking anything substantial or important to say
i'm occupied with classes, with work
with keeping it together...
i'm occupied with
escaping the nostaligia
that insists on invading
tactical and creeping
it sneaks in like a knife
i try to avoid
but the swift lacerations
have sliced me to ribbons
and i find myself
a helpless pile
of miscellaneous satin
struggling to move forward...
it's a striking realization--
i'm remembering life
instead of living it
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it's so nice that i got to see everyone over break. |
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| so 2005 was pretty intense.
from... living with cortez in brooklyn, all the shit that came with living in long island, home for the summer, and now purchase-- it was an amazing year.
you wouldn't even believe how i rang in 2006. at least i hope you wouldn't.
right now i have "both hands" by ani difranco in my head
and i really want to go back to school.
i hate being treated like a child.
i think i should sleep soon.
someone call me, i'm home til the 17th and i'm starting to go a little crazy.
happy new year, motherfuckers |
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i tiptoe around my books--
they're suddenly a frigid pool
i can't quite commit myself to swimming in
the depth is tremendous and i fear
i'll never cross it
so instead
i will stare vacantly
(stupidly?)
into my cup of tea
for juuust a few more moments
and try
to collect my thoughts
before i dive
headfirst
into the frigid waves
***
all my finals on monday and tuesday, and a paper to write?
dear professors-
thank you SO fucking much.
and also, choke on a dick! :)
love,
chelsea
 but...aside from it being finals week, i guess everything is going okay.
i'm coming home a week from tomorrow... holy shit! i'm coming home a week from tomorrow! haha, i guess it just hit me. i'm a little nervous, i can't lie. i don't know how home is going to feel, or how the month is going to treat me. hopefully i will spend time with quality individuals such as my sisters and my friends, make some money, and not fight with my parents. that sounds like a good plan, no?
TO MY FELLOW SUFFERING COLLEGE STUDENTS:
i don't want to sound preachy, i just wanted to put this out there. i know some people are having a rough time right now... and i just wanted to share that my attitude during "finals season" is this- just keep cracking away at your work, and eventually it will be over. i'm trying to get a lot of sleep, stay away from partying, and i'm trying not to think about anything except success. i'm trying NOT to focus on life drama... but rather immersing myself in my work, and dealing with that shit when this is over. the end is near... and soon we will all be sleeping in our own beds!
...okay, i really have to go read about islam.
love to everyone!
xo chelsea
edit: right after i posted this, it told me that i'd been a member for 666 days. ....ew. :) |
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| the days stretch out for miles
--i can no longer distinguish
the distance
between memories.
i feel defeated
but i have to admit
that i've forgotten how it feels to love you
(which makes me wonder-
have i forgotten how it feels to love?)
i will cut this now, swiftly
with the sharpest of knives
my skin will be cauterized by
your eyes when they refuse
to look at me
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